My father is aging, with heart problems and developing dementia. I am generally a conscientious person, but I'm staring down the necessity of supporting him like the barrel of a gun. Special snowflake details inside. I live about 2.5 hours drive from my parents. Earlier this year, my mom died of cancer. I brought her into my home and my in-laws and I took care of her. Now, it turns out that she was basically taking care of my father: he clearly is not self-sustaining, but does not want to leave his home. I cannot move closer (he lives in my hometown, in the middle of nowhere).
So, until now (for the last four months, since my mom died), my seven aunts and uncles have basically been taking care of him. My two siblings are nowhere to be seen. I have been visiting every weekend since my mom died, handling finances, and helping pay for things where I can.
This week, one of the aunts started sending me abusive emails, talking about how my dad "is not her responsibility," and claiming that I'm not helping enough, and so on. Here are facts of my life.
I am generally a very conscientious person, but at this point in my life I feel unable to take anything else on. I just don't think it's feasible, logistically: how can I work, deal with my dad's medical appointments and other issues, and actually have time to spend with my son and wife at this, the most incredible time that we can possibly share? All of my aunts and uncles and other relatives have their commitments, but their children are also grown. I was hoping to be able to help financially, providing pay for wear and tear on peoples' cars, buying meals, doing the finances and paperwork for my dad, and so on—but this is clearly not satisfying for the rest of my clan.
At this point, my instinct is to just "hang it up." I can't deal with abuse and disrespect on top of the other issues. I feel like I'm about to explode from stress.
Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? Am I a horrible person?
So, until now (for the last four months, since my mom died), my seven aunts and uncles have basically been taking care of him. My two siblings are nowhere to be seen. I have been visiting every weekend since my mom died, handling finances, and helping pay for things where I can.
This week, one of the aunts started sending me abusive emails, talking about how my dad "is not her responsibility," and claiming that I'm not helping enough, and so on. Here are facts of my life.
- My mom raised me. My parents were separated from my birth until I was 16, when my mom and I moved back in with my father to take care of him after he had bypass surgery.
- My father was a "father" in that he provided a zygote, and he provided a token amount of money for rent to my mom. (Complaining about it every time, of course.) He was never a "dad."
- In his present location, my dad has 7 siblings and their (adult) children to deal with problems. If I take full responsibility for him, these will melt away and it will be me, my currently-38-weeks-pregnant-wife, and in-laws.
I am generally a very conscientious person, but at this point in my life I feel unable to take anything else on. I just don't think it's feasible, logistically: how can I work, deal with my dad's medical appointments and other issues, and actually have time to spend with my son and wife at this, the most incredible time that we can possibly share? All of my aunts and uncles and other relatives have their commitments, but their children are also grown. I was hoping to be able to help financially, providing pay for wear and tear on peoples' cars, buying meals, doing the finances and paperwork for my dad, and so on—but this is clearly not satisfying for the rest of my clan.
At this point, my instinct is to just "hang it up." I can't deal with abuse and disrespect on top of the other issues. I feel like I'm about to explode from stress.
Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? Am I a horrible person?