My spouse’s grandmother lives with us, and will be entering hospice care at home soon. She’s 100 years old and has end-stage COPD. We have two young kids, and I need to figure out how to talk to them about what we are all about to experience. Our kids are three and eight years old, and their great-grandmother (GGM) has lived with us for as long as they can remember. Their grandparents (my spouse’s parents) are in their seventies, also live with us, and they are the primary caregivers for GGM. But we all chip in with care, the house is big enough to accommodate everyone comfortably, and it has been very nice having four generations under one roof for the past several years. The kids know and love GGM as a member of the immediate family. Even though, to young children, I think the very old must seem almost like another species.
So. GGM has had a decline in the past few months, is now on oxygen full-time, has greatly decreased stamina and difficulty breathing, and we’re going to start home hospice care.
How do we talk to the kids about this? There’s the fact that their loved one will die (maybe sooner, maybe later, but probably sooner). Then also, they’ll have some firsthand witness of the process. Their bedrooms are right across the hall. How much can we, or should we, shelter them from this? How much can we, or should we, prepare them for in advance? Any personal experience, or thoughtful published accounts, or good books on the topic, or perspectives from professionals, would be welcome. I understand hospice care may include the services of an end-of-live doula; I imagine this is the kind of thing they can help with too.
So. GGM has had a decline in the past few months, is now on oxygen full-time, has greatly decreased stamina and difficulty breathing, and we’re going to start home hospice care.
How do we talk to the kids about this? There’s the fact that their loved one will die (maybe sooner, maybe later, but probably sooner). Then also, they’ll have some firsthand witness of the process. Their bedrooms are right across the hall. How much can we, or should we, shelter them from this? How much can we, or should we, prepare them for in advance? Any personal experience, or thoughtful published accounts, or good books on the topic, or perspectives from professionals, would be welcome. I understand hospice care may include the services of an end-of-live doula; I imagine this is the kind of thing they can help with too.