I'm at a point where my mother's mere existence is causing me so much stress. I don't know what to do or how to deal with her for the rest of her life. I wrote thesethreequestions about her. I've taken the advice and encouragement given to me in those posts and I'm in the process of moving out, but what next? I'm at such a loss. I don't know what to do about her. Long story short my father died this year and he basically did everything for my 72 year-old mentally ill (she was diagnosed with schizophrenia 14/16 years ago, but I don't know any more than what my father told me at the time). My mother takes very poor care of herself. She doesn't bathe, brush her teeth, rarely changes her clothes, doesn't wash her hair, etc. She only leaves the house to go to the local bar. (She says she just has two beers, but you would think she's had about six or seven. She comes back soooooo wasted.)
Right now all her bills are set up to be automatically withdrawn from her bank account (everything from property taxes to house insurance). I think she has a decent amount of money that she SHOULD be able to live on for the rest of her life from my father. She also owns her house. She doesn't want to move to a senior's home ever (well the other day she did say when she's 75 she'll move, but whatever). I mean, she says she can "live on her own," but can she??
I know I should look in to power of attorney at some point, but I dealing with her has just become so draining. There's no way she'd ever agree to be evaluated by a mental health professional or declared incompetent, or whatever. I don't think doing that is something that's realistic. I just... I'm at a point where I don't know what else I should be doing. Is it OKAY if I don't do more? I just feel like I'm at a loss. I'm constantly worried that she'll somehow "spend" all her money at the bar and I don't know, I'll just have to spend my life taking care of her until she dies.
I'm 29 and moving out later this week. In addition I've started grad school and I'm still working and I just....... want to live a life at this point. I feel like I'm doing nothing for myself anymore and I spend so much time worrying about my mother and worrying about the worst case scenario and frightened that I won't be able to live any sort of life because of her. And then of course I'm trying to really deal with the deep seated shame and resentment I have towards my mother, which I didn't think about too much until my father died. I am seeing a therapist. But what else should I do? I just... I'm lost and worried. Like, is there still hope for me to have a real life despite my mother?
Right now all her bills are set up to be automatically withdrawn from her bank account (everything from property taxes to house insurance). I think she has a decent amount of money that she SHOULD be able to live on for the rest of her life from my father. She also owns her house. She doesn't want to move to a senior's home ever (well the other day she did say when she's 75 she'll move, but whatever). I mean, she says she can "live on her own," but can she??
I know I should look in to power of attorney at some point, but I dealing with her has just become so draining. There's no way she'd ever agree to be evaluated by a mental health professional or declared incompetent, or whatever. I don't think doing that is something that's realistic. I just... I'm at a point where I don't know what else I should be doing. Is it OKAY if I don't do more? I just feel like I'm at a loss. I'm constantly worried that she'll somehow "spend" all her money at the bar and I don't know, I'll just have to spend my life taking care of her until she dies.
I'm 29 and moving out later this week. In addition I've started grad school and I'm still working and I just....... want to live a life at this point. I feel like I'm doing nothing for myself anymore and I spend so much time worrying about my mother and worrying about the worst case scenario and frightened that I won't be able to live any sort of life because of her. And then of course I'm trying to really deal with the deep seated shame and resentment I have towards my mother, which I didn't think about too much until my father died. I am seeing a therapist. But what else should I do? I just... I'm lost and worried. Like, is there still hope for me to have a real life despite my mother?