I'm looking for resources, tips, experiences in dealing with an elderly parent who is making life kind of miserable for those who are becoming increasingly responsible for her care, i.e. my sister. She has her funeral service planned out to the last song but who is mostly in denial/not cooperating in planning what happens between now and then. My mom is 82. She's had atrial fibrillation which is more or less being managed, and suffered a very bad ankle fracture 3 years ago that took a year to recover from and which has left her mobility somewhat impaired. Just a couple of days ago she suffered another fall and broke a rib. She is a lifelong professional musician, piano teacher, and organist and she refuses to retire. She is also starting to suffer memory loss, and we don't know if it's typical 80-year-old senility or something more serious. We lost my dad to Alzheimer's 9 years ago so it's a very sensitive topic.
My sister lives a few blocks away and shoulders a lot of the burden of helping her out when she needs help. My niece and her bf and their infant live in an upstairs apartment at my mom's house, but they're young and busy and so it's still my sister who is picking up the brunt of the burden. And it is driving her to the point of emotional breakdown because my mom is getting increasingly rude, snarky, not welcoming of help, etc. etc. The latest fall is a bit of a minor crisis point, because at first my mom was not wanting to go to the doctor, and then after the diagnosis was not accepting of the fact that it just might not be a good idea to play the Sunday and Christmas eve services this year, or to, you know, drive around doing last minute Christmas stuff with a broken rib and hoped up on narcotic pain relievers. My sister wound up taking her car keys. My mom has been saying unkind things about my sister behind her back to other family members.
I've agreed to have a serious sit-down talk with mom and sister while I'm in town for a few days for the holiday. Is there any hope that these tensions can be relieved? I feel so bad for my sister; this has been going on for years (she also picked up a big burden when my dad was sick, and the sacrifices she made while my mom was recovering from the broken ankle were huge...)
She and my dad were pretty good about the legal side of things, living wills, long-term care insurance, powers of attorney, trust planning for my adult disabled brother. But she's kind of stuck her head in the sand about the logistics of this transitional phase before it gets to that.
My sister lives a few blocks away and shoulders a lot of the burden of helping her out when she needs help. My niece and her bf and their infant live in an upstairs apartment at my mom's house, but they're young and busy and so it's still my sister who is picking up the brunt of the burden. And it is driving her to the point of emotional breakdown because my mom is getting increasingly rude, snarky, not welcoming of help, etc. etc. The latest fall is a bit of a minor crisis point, because at first my mom was not wanting to go to the doctor, and then after the diagnosis was not accepting of the fact that it just might not be a good idea to play the Sunday and Christmas eve services this year, or to, you know, drive around doing last minute Christmas stuff with a broken rib and hoped up on narcotic pain relievers. My sister wound up taking her car keys. My mom has been saying unkind things about my sister behind her back to other family members.
I've agreed to have a serious sit-down talk with mom and sister while I'm in town for a few days for the holiday. Is there any hope that these tensions can be relieved? I feel so bad for my sister; this has been going on for years (she also picked up a big burden when my dad was sick, and the sacrifices she made while my mom was recovering from the broken ankle were huge...)
She and my dad were pretty good about the legal side of things, living wills, long-term care insurance, powers of attorney, trust planning for my adult disabled brother. But she's kind of stuck her head in the sand about the logistics of this transitional phase before it gets to that.