My 91-year-old Grandma has been moved into assisted living this past week. She lives across the country, far away from all of us family. If we were to transfer her here, what would that process look like? How do we find a good facility, how do we charter the flight, how do we X Y and Z? Lots of questions! My grandma just turned 91 a few weeks ago and unfortunately has had a string of recent bad health situations piling up.
First some background -- she is my paternal grandmother and both of her children have passed away (my dad & uncle). It's just us three grandkids left in her lineage, me (in central NC), my older sister (in IN), and my brother (NC also, but unable to help out at the moment for Reasons.)
She was very, very diligent for the last decade in getting her will, power of attorney, health care power of attorney and all other logistical matters very much buttoned up. We had a big celebration for her 90th birthday last year in Arizona and made sure all the paperwork was in place as needed. THANK GOODNESS.
In January she sold her home and moved into a retirement community. Then, about three weeks ago fell and broke her pelvis, and at the same time started experiencing debilitating sciatica and also what appears to be peripheral neuropathy in her fingers and toes, which is causing a loss of fine motor control. She went to a rehab facility for a couple of weeks to try to get some dedicated help with physical therapy for the pelvis and sciatica. It was determined she would need to go into assisted living.
So, on Thursday she was transferred into an assisted living facility. And, by the way, she's still with it mentally, 99%. My sister flew out this past weekend for two nights, to get the remaining logistical items taken care of and check on her wellbeing and figure out the bill paying and talk to everyone around her who is helping out.
And that's the thing -- she has some people around her who love her, and we have a caretaker who does the errand running. But they're not family. And they shouldn't be expected to do all the things family would do in that situation. I feel like this is the time where she should be close to us here in NC.
I've been doing some research today regarding the possbility of transferring her from Arizona to here in North Carolina. She'd have me close by, my mother (even though my parents split up when I was 19, my mom and her still keep in touch and love each other). Also, she'd have my stepmom, who loves her so dearly and also wants to help take care of her. All three of us live here in Winston-Salem, NC, and could be advocates for her care on a day-in-day-out basis.
We're all three willing and able, and my brother will be able to help after a while, as well. Grandma now laments that she didn't move out here after my uncle passed away, to be closer to us. She really wants to be here. And my sister in Indiana is a busy physician, wife and mom of three kids, so the most logical place for Grandma is here in NC.
My grandma has financial means. Financial means to do the move, even if we needed to charter an air ambulance-type set up, which might be the best option. She has long-term care insurance that she paid into for decades which kicks in after 90 days to pay 100% of her assisted living costs.
So what is my question? I'm looking for anecdotal stories of anyone who has gone through this themselves -- transferring a frail but mentally with-it loved one from assisted living states away to assisted living nearby. How did it go? How did you find a quality assisted living facility near you? Are there reputable third-party services that can help us evaluate the myriad facilities?
When you did the transfer, what would you have done differently? Did you charter a flight, or was your loved one able to fly commercially? If you chartered a flight, what kind? Just a regular private plane, or an air ambulance kind of set up? How did you move your loved one's possessions? (There aren't too many at this point.) Anything you didn't consider, logistically? What tips or best practices do you know of, or any resources that we should look into? Center for Aging in her community? Elderly ombudsman of some sort?
Thanks for any and all advice! We're not sure of what's going to happen next, and maybe this won't pan out. It's up in the air at this point. But I think my grandma really wants to be out here, and my mom, my stepmom and I really want to be able to help ensure she has excellent and loving care.
