My elderly mom is a hoarder. What should I do? This is a long story, but I'll keep it as short as I can. My mom is in her mid-70s, retired, and a hoarder. I lived in a different state from her for many years, and didn't realize how bad the house was until I moved back to my home state recently. The house was full of garbage, insects, rats, and other creatures. The water had been physically disconnected many months earlier, when a flood occurred due to broken pipes. The bathroom was completely destroyed. Ultimately, a friend and I filled a dumpster half the size of the house with garbage, and then I hired workers to replace the bathroom entirely (it was sinking through the floor), as well as the shower, the basement stairs, the kitchen sink, nearly every water pipe, and I don't even know what all else. We cleaned out the bugs and removed the wild fauna. This whole adventure took about five months and cost ten thousand dollars.
Through it all, my mom mostly sat around and watched TV. She sometimes "helped" by showing me what garbage I could pick up. She continued to throw garbage on the floor. Yogurt cartons, empty bottles, her incontinence pads. I made sure there was a garbage can in every room. Sometimes she used them. Sometimes not. Mostly not.
We're at a point now where things are really strained. I got family members to give me money for a lot of this, but they rightly feel they've given enough. Most never gave anything, but have a lot of opinions anyway. My mom, who was largely passive while we did the work to restore her water, seemed to bounce back once she had the basic amentities of early twentieth century life restored. Then she started to be just really openly shitty to me. A lot. Putdowns, irritation at my presence, strewing her used incontinence pads all over the floor when she knows I'm coming over to get the garbage out, and screaming when I suggest the house still needs more work.
Which it does. Her house needs more repair. Desperately. She was to obtain a grant for elderly homeowners, but remains incapable of filling out the paperwork, and will not allow me to do it. And the house itself is still full of junk. Even after we took out a giant dumpster of garbage, there's still mountains of "good" things we were not allowed to throw away. Boxes full of hundreds of pounds of filthy dishes that have been soiled a year or more, and that she insisted had to be kept. Dozens of garbage bags full of "good" dirty clothes that I can tell (holes have been chewed into them) are probably full of rat shit, and may have rats living in them right now. Other stuff. It's foul.
And I am out of energy. I grew up in the house, and wanted to see it restored so that she could have a nice place to live. But I also just grew up in it, and it breaks my heart to see it treated so badly. I don't know what to do. I am certain that, left to her own devices, she will turn the house into the cesspool it was a few months ago. I am equally certain that I cannot spend the rest of my life cleaning up after her. She owns the house. I think that eventually the authorities will remove her from it if it does revert to form; the neighborhood is being "revitalized," and the rich hipsters moving in are unlikely to want to share their trendy home with my mom's trash palace. For me, it feels like every choice is a different kind of lose. I'm very frustrated. Suggestions are welcome.
Through it all, my mom mostly sat around and watched TV. She sometimes "helped" by showing me what garbage I could pick up. She continued to throw garbage on the floor. Yogurt cartons, empty bottles, her incontinence pads. I made sure there was a garbage can in every room. Sometimes she used them. Sometimes not. Mostly not.
We're at a point now where things are really strained. I got family members to give me money for a lot of this, but they rightly feel they've given enough. Most never gave anything, but have a lot of opinions anyway. My mom, who was largely passive while we did the work to restore her water, seemed to bounce back once she had the basic amentities of early twentieth century life restored. Then she started to be just really openly shitty to me. A lot. Putdowns, irritation at my presence, strewing her used incontinence pads all over the floor when she knows I'm coming over to get the garbage out, and screaming when I suggest the house still needs more work.
Which it does. Her house needs more repair. Desperately. She was to obtain a grant for elderly homeowners, but remains incapable of filling out the paperwork, and will not allow me to do it. And the house itself is still full of junk. Even after we took out a giant dumpster of garbage, there's still mountains of "good" things we were not allowed to throw away. Boxes full of hundreds of pounds of filthy dishes that have been soiled a year or more, and that she insisted had to be kept. Dozens of garbage bags full of "good" dirty clothes that I can tell (holes have been chewed into them) are probably full of rat shit, and may have rats living in them right now. Other stuff. It's foul.
And I am out of energy. I grew up in the house, and wanted to see it restored so that she could have a nice place to live. But I also just grew up in it, and it breaks my heart to see it treated so badly. I don't know what to do. I am certain that, left to her own devices, she will turn the house into the cesspool it was a few months ago. I am equally certain that I cannot spend the rest of my life cleaning up after her. She owns the house. I think that eventually the authorities will remove her from it if it does revert to form; the neighborhood is being "revitalized," and the rich hipsters moving in are unlikely to want to share their trendy home with my mom's trash palace. For me, it feels like every choice is a different kind of lose. I'm very frustrated. Suggestions are welcome.